Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Oh Come On... Not Another One?

I think somebody somewhere is wanting some link lovin. Well I’m too contrary for that shit, so I'll just shamelessly take the piss out of her for being an attention seeking twat twit, and copy and paste her scribblings on here.

I wouldn’t mind, but she’s not even getting mad over a review of a book she wrote, she’s getting mad over a less than complimentary review of somebody else’s book.

Why would you expend that much energy on somebody else’s behalf? Increased blog traffic maybe? (g)

Anyway, she starts:

OK, she at least had the good grace to warn us, we here at Karen Scott Central love us some good manners.

She then continues with this slightly obvious tirade:

Bam hunny bunny, is she talking about you? How dare she? You’re not ugly at all, you’re hotness personified, and if I was that way inclined, I’d totally do you. Can I set her pubic hair on fire for telling such dastardly untruths? Can I, can I? No? Ok then.

Anyway, she carries on, cuz ya know… she’s reeeeal mad, and she .. ya know… wants us to know how mad she reeeeally is:

She seems to forget that authors clamour for Bam to read their books. They know the score, the problem is, they think that their book is soo good that everybody and his pet mouse are gonna love it. *Sigh* When will these people learn?

I particularly liked this next bit, it made me want to laugh out loud.

Dammit Jayne, you’re such a total bitch. How dare you not love, LOVE the freaking book? How dare you! Now go and stand in the corner until you can play nicely with the other fucktards.

Anyway, she goes a little pyschotic, and tries to explain what was so freaking fantabulous about the book that that bitch, Jayne, hated. It went on for a while, so I just kinda skimmed. I have this short excerpt for you to enjoy however:


You know, I’ve never read a Megan Hart book, but that paragraph alone would have stopped me from ever picking one of her books up. I’m contrary that way.

To top it off, she finished off with this little gem:

Hee hee hee.

You know honey, it really is OK for people not to like the same things. Really, it is. Now get back into that lovely beige-coloured, lace-up jacket before those temperamental people in the white coats come lookin for ya, go on, quickly now. There’s a good girl.

Dontcha just love having your own blog? You can say lots of mean things, and if anybody bitches about it, you can just tell them that it’s your blog and you’ll say what you want to. *Happy sigh*.

Life is good.

How are you doin today? (g)


Monday, January 29, 2007

Things That Make You Go Ahhhhhh....

Whenever I get to a point where I’m sick of romance, I really should read the following paragraphs. They remind me why I love romance books so much. They remind me that words can truly be beautiful, when handled by the right person.

Lovely, just lovely.

The book and author…?


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Romance Novel TV - Me Likey A Lot...

Oh I love this.

I could just listen to Nora Roberts talking all day. I wasn't so interested in Eloisa James, but only because I don't read her. I have to say though, it was interesting to see her hubby.

Courtesy of
Sybil and the Dear Ja(y)nes.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

It's Good To Know Some Things Never Change...

Can we say, sucks great big hairy donkey balls?

It's official. Changeling Press have some of the suckiest covers on the fucking planet. Doesn't ths half-man, half-lion turn you on? Hubba hubba. Not.

Man-on-man love should not look this bad.

And, I'm not sure what the hell is happening with this slightly anorexic dude. Is it me, or is the hand leaning against the wall, almost non-existent?

Thanks to Katie for sending me the link to the last cover.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Bits And Bobs & This 'N' That...

Kate and Wills

I realise I haven't blogged for a couple of days, but I've been seriously busy with work commitments.

I finally managed to see all of Kylie Minogue's concert on Tuesday, with a friend. She very kindly rescheduled her dates for those people who'd only caught an hour of her show a couple of weeks ago. She was faahbulous darlings. The whole show was tres camp.

The next concert will be The Pussycat Dolls. I'm looking forward to seeing them.

I'm still in a reading slump. I went past Borders book shop today, and I wasn't even tempted to go in. That has to be a first.

My TBR pile is huge, but nothing appeals. I've read a couple of Tami Hoag books which were great, but that's it as far as reading goes.

I was watching a documentary about Kate Middleton's relationship with the papparazzi, earlier, and I just can't believe how intense the media pressure is already. Her and Prince William aren't even engaged yet, and she's already being hounded by the paps wherever she goes. Bastards. Seriously, why do people want photo's of her taking the rubbish out?

If I was her I'd ditch William quick smart, and find myself a nice normal billionaire's son. Who needs the pressure of dating a prince?

What have you guys been up to? Any updates on Venus Press? Have they gone bankrupt yet? How many other authors have left them since the VP stepped down?

Anyway, I'll try to post a review tomorrow, but I'm not feeling particularly motivated, so I might not get round to it.

We'll see...

Sunday, January 21, 2007

What Naughtiness Has Venus Press Been Involved In This Time...?

So, does anybody know what’s up at Venus Press? According to my site stats, I’ve had a flurry of people looking for stuff about them. These are some of the searches that have landed people on my blog:

With so many Venus Press searches in one week, I knew there must have been something funky going on, and there is. Again.

Apparently the Vice President stepped down, and a further four of their authors have withdrawn their books.

They seem to have a hard time keeping their authors, in fact, I would say they excelled at
losing them.

The following statement was posted on
Carol Mckenzie’s Xanga site:

In a previous post she wrote:

I read a blog that hinted that the problem may be a communication issue, as in authors not hearing from editors and senior staff for long periods. I’d be nervous too if I kept hearing rumours about the firm I worked for, rumours that weren’t dispelled by editors or senior management. You know that saying about smoke and fire? It’s usually right on.

If anybody knows what’s really going on, please feel free to e-mail me with the gossip. hairylemony @ gmail . com, I promise, I wont tell a soul. *G*


This e-mail was has just been forwarded to me:

The e-mail was preceded by this explanation from the source:

Curiouser and curiouser…

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Down With Romance...

It's official.

I'm in a reading slump. A romance reading slump.

I picked up five romance titles today, and promptly put them all down, after reading a few pages. One of the books was called Immortal Bad Boys, a Brava anthology.

The first tale was by Rebecca York, whose stories I usually like, but like I said, I got to about ten pages in, and just lost interest.

The same thing happened with the other two stories. I might just take the bloody book back because it cost £9.99 ($18.00), and I do so hate wasting money on crap.

The second book I picked up was Evelyn Vaughn's A.K.A Goddess, which has been languising in my TBR forever. Same thing happened.

I then tried a Natasha Rostova book, and it bored me stupid within the first three pages.

As with Liz Carlyle's, Beauty Like The Night. That book has been in my TBR for longer than I can remember, but I've always been resistant to reading it. No change there then.

The last book I attempted to read was Tara Janzen's Crazy Love. I bought this when it first came out, but I decided to leave it on my TBR for a rainy day. I obviously wasn't in the right frame of mind to appreciate it today, so back to the shelf it went.

I don't know what's the matter with me, I'm just not feeling the romance at the moment, I could do with a book that's so unbelievably fantastic, that it starts me reading again.

I think that perhaps I'll start reading the Clive Cussler books that I bought last year. Actually, no I wont, I'm not in the mood for him either.

Tami Hoag is usually a comfort read, so I think I'll revisit some of her books. I'm going to stay away from romance for a while, unless somebody can recommend a stupendously fabulous book.

Big effing sigh.

Oh My Effing God!

What the hell? This is sooo not my idea of the perfect penis.

You have got to watch this video, it'll definitely make you cross your legs. I've never seen a manroot shaped like the one on here. It's enough to make one's eyes water. *Shudder*

Thanks to Eve, for drawing this to my attention. (g)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Best Memo Evah...

I usually don't bother with these things, but I thought this was quite amusing.

Dear Staff

Familiarise yourselves with the new company rules as approved by the Partners this week and closely actioned and monitored by us the Department managers.

Effective from 1 January 2007

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


Chairman of the Executive Board

What? I thought it was funny, so there! (g)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

When Was The Last Time You Left Your Country?

When we were in Las Vegas last year, a taxi driver who we got talking to, told us that only about twenty per cent of all Americans have passports.

I asked him why he thought that was, and his answer was that most Americans felt that they had everything they needed in their country, so why go somewhere else? Oooookay then.

I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but what other reasons are there for people not actually owning a valid passport? Even if they can’t afford to travel.

If what the taxi drive says is true, then surely that makes America a very insular country. (yes, I realise you guys have had this charge levied at you many a time, so bear with me.)

I know at least two Americans who don’t have a passport, and were quite proud of the fact.

Personally, I think it’s weird.

I can’t imagine not experiencing other countries, other cultures, other ways of life.

So, come on fess up, how many of you guys own a valid passport? Also, when was the last time you left your country?

Incidentally, you don’t have to be an American to answer.

Monday, January 15, 2007

And The Fucktard Of The Week Goes To...

This effing twat, who got caught slamming a book he’d never even read. How was he found out? The fucking book hadn’t even been written.

Check this out:

What a dickhead.

Thanks to
Bam for the info.

I'm Keeping Everything Crossed For You Sweetheart...

Prayers are needed for my friend Anne.

I know that Bob will get better soon. Stay strong, and I'm here if you need to talk.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I’m All For Realism, But There Is Such A Thing As Taking Things Too Far…

I was just reading the above book when I came across a few paragraphs that managed to take me completely out of the story:

I was taken aback slightly, when the heroine’s pubic hair was referred to as ‘muff’, but the whole ‘nature’s dental floss’ thing? Not good.

There are just some things that I don’t need to read about, and a guy picking pubic hair out of his teeth, and having the audacity to tell the heroine that she's growing a jungle between her legs, is certainly one of them.

Besides being unromantic, it's just plain bad manners, especially if it's your first time in bed together. How rude?

I'd have punched The Tall Guy, if he'd told me I needed a good trim the first time we ever slept together.

Looking at the fun chick-lit-type cover, who'd have thought that the words pubic hair, and teeth, would be used in the same sentence? You live and learn.

If your interest has been peaked however, you can check out The Wilder Brother,

Saturday, January 13, 2007

I'm Spinning Around, Move Out Of My Way...

Went to see Kylie Minogue at the MEN tonight with a mate. She was fabulous, and the show was totally camped up. I loved her costume changes and her energetic dancers.

There was a strict no-photographs policy in operation, but I took my camera, and took some sneaky shots. Hey, I'm a rebel, what can I say?

Her sister, Dannii came on stage with her, and they performed 'Kids'. I had a lump in my throat watching them.

The pisser was that she had to cut the show short cuz she was ill, (she was so croaky, she could hardly sing) so we only actually got to see one hour of a three hour show. She's never done this before, but she said that she's finally learned not to push her body too hard. Can't blame her really.

It was a shame she couldn't carry on, but she tried, and at least she didn't cancel altogether.

Here are some of the photographs I took, sorry that the pictures aren't a great quality, but I was very fearful that somebody would confiscate the camera, thus, the photos were taken in a rush, hence the blurring. (click on photo for bigger picture)

Kylie with her dancers

And again

Kylie with Dannii

lots of near nude dancers

I know this has nothing to do with Kylie, but isn't my nephew totally adorable? (g)

Friday, January 12, 2007

What Are Your Pet Peeves About Other Readers?

Keishon’s got a great post about her pet peeves about other readers. Funny as hell. I’m guilty of a few of them, what about you?

Go over and show her some love by leaving a nice, long-assed comment. She’ll love it, trust me. (g)

One of my pet peeves are reader bloggers who pretend they don't read other blogs, but still manage to post information from the blogs that they 'don't' read, without having the courtesy of linking the source. That shit's been happening a lot recently.

I've no need to finger point, y'all know who you are.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Big Bucks For Becks In LA LA Land...

I'm gutted that David Beckham is going to play for the LA Galaxy, instead of coming back home to England, but on a wage of $100m per week, who can blame him?

I recall crying like my heart was breaking when he left Manchester United, to go to Real Madrid, (erm, that's pronounced 'Ray-al', not 'Reel', for my American Amigo's who know nothing about proper football) but there's no arguing with Sir Alex. (I can't be arsed linking, so you either know what I'm talking to you about or you don't.)

Anyway, as an ode to Becks, here are a few photos of him. I love that man like a fat kid loves cake.

He is truly a beautiful man.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Pow, Pow, Take That Bitch!

Well Jane is spitting feathers over at Dear Author, and to be fair, I don’t blame her. I just experienced something very similar myself when I picked up a Kensington Aphrodisia book called Secrets and Sins, by that simply wonderful writer, P.F Kozak. (I absolutely refuse to provide a link, Google search it, if you must.)

Now I don’t mind menage’s, group sex, or even wolfie sex (well, as long as the wolfie isn’t in actual animal form, cuz ya know that’s well.. ya know, not my cuppa), but surely it can only be considered romantic, if the hero and heroine are both present, or at least aware that it’s going on?

Some bird from Aphrodisia told us ages ago, that the books are erotic romance, rather than straight erotica, which I of course have no problem with, but how can you call a book a romance where the virgin heroine is being felt up, fingered, sucked, etc etc, by somebody other than the hero, without the hero’s knowledge. Surely that’s called cheating? Surely that’s called straight effing erotica?

I don’t mind reading erotica, but like Jane says, why fucking lie and call it one thing, when it’s so obviously something else, and not a very good something else at that.

This is the second book of P.F. Kozak’s that I’ve read, and I’ve decided that enough is enough. Luckily, it wasn’t my money I spent on it. The Borders vouchers that the Tall Guy gave me for Christmas came in very handy. Although, safe to say, I will be returning said book tomorrow.

Something else that managed to ruin my day, was learning that a father actually
slit his three year old daughter’s throat as a revenge against the mother. What a fucking guy.

May he burn in hell.

Now go and watch Jane going
batshit crazy over Cameron Dean’s Candace Steele trilogy, it’s truly a sight to behold. (g)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Will Penguin Have To Cough Up $250m To Millennia? Oh I Certainly Hope So...

I just read on Monica’s blog that Bestselling Author Pontif has a copy of Millennia Black’s Law Suit against Penguin.

Tis heady stuff, and I hope she wins. I’m still not so sure she will though, because this is truly a David v Goliath battle.

Anyway, get a load of some of the details of the complaint, it’s fascinating stuff, and makes me want to pump my fist for
Millennia’s bravery, and say fuck off to Zane:

Did your eyes bulge like mine did when I saw the amount that she’s suing them for? Damn, I really hope she wins, because this would send out a strong message to publishers who think they can get away with such blatantly racist actions.

So, what do you guys think? Do ya think she’ll win or not? Indeed, maybe the question should be, should she win?

I was Supposed To Be Counting Books, But I Got Distracted... The Time Traveler's Wife Redux...

Last night, I was trying to count how many books I'd read in 2006, but I kept getting distracted by the reads that I'd absolutely loved. Linda Howard's Mackenzie's Mountain was in and amongst the pile, and I'm not even sure that was a 2006 read, but I still read half the flaming book, before I remembered the original purpose of dragging these books out in the first place.

I did that a few more times, and then I got to Audrey Niffenegger's book.

That marked the end of my counting project. I opened the book up, started reading, and continued reading for the rest of the night. God I'd forgotten how emotionally draining this book was.

Anyway, for those who haven't read this book yet, here's the review of it that I wrote back in August. Enjoy.

So I finished reading Audrey Niffenegger’s The Time Traveler’s Wife a couple of days ago. I wanted to write this review right after I finished reading it, but I found that I needed some time to get to grips with the maelstrom of emotions that simply overtook me, after reaching the end of this book.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s a blurb from Amazon:

My Verdict

God, where do I start?

The Time Traveler’s Wife wasn’t an easy book to read. Not even a bit.

I wasn’t sure what my expectations were for this book. The plot device seemed so fantastic that I just couldn’t help but wonder how far I would have to suspend disbelief, before I could fully engage myself within its depths. As it happens, not far at all.

Niffenegger’s explanation of Henry’s genetic condition, in relation to his penchant for time-travelling was at times complex, and littered with jargon, which most readers would find somewhat confusing, but as a reader, I was able to look beyond that, and see the story for what it really was.

This was a love story. Pure and simple. Not a traditional love story, by any means, but it was a story so powerful, that I don’t believe that there can be one person who read this book, who would have been able to remain untouched by its sheer brilliance, and unflinching, and sometimes tragically gritty realism.

A lot of people will pick this book up, get to page thirty, and put it down. Some may go back to it, or some may simply never read it to its conclusion. I did, and I wasn’t sorry.

The story of The Time Traveler’s Wife was told from two points of views. Henry’s and Clare’s.

As a reader, I was able to empathise with both characters, and understand their motivations, even when they found themselves in situations that would usually cause me to haemorrhage on the spot.

I was able to fully understand the fine line that Henry constantly walked between being an upstanding citizen, and being forced to turn to criminal activities, in order to survive his time travels. I understood his various addictions, from alcohol upwards, and forgave him for them.

Henry and Clare were mostly philosophical about his condition, as long as they had each other, then that was all that mattered. To me, this was one of the most compelling parts of the story. I loved the way Clare was able to hand her heart freely to Henry, never knowing when he would be gone, how long he would be gone for, and whether or not he would be back.

On that note, one of the things I found hardest to come to terms with, in this book, was the periods when Henry’s time travels didn’t take him to Clare. Niffenegger didn’t go into graphic details about the kind of things that Henry experienced during his time travels, but there was one scene in the book when he did time travel to Clare, and he was bleeding and in pain. He then disappeared a few seconds later. Can you believe that as I’m writing this, and remembering some of the scenes in the book that I’m actually crying? Sheesh. I could literally feel the anguish that Clare would have felt. What was happening to him? Was anybody helping him? Was he alive?

I worried constantly over his whereabouts, whenever I wasn’t privy to his point of view. This made for one emotional roller coaster of a ride, I can tell you.

There were a few mysterious and perplexing scenes in the book that were never fully explained. Usually this is something that drives me insane, but somehow seemed to fit the tone of the book, and so I was able to appreciate it for what it was: A story that could be interpreted in a thousand different ways, by a thousand different people.

The secondary characters in this book, were superbly developed, and each of them had their own part to play. I was mostly fascinated with Henry and Clare’s friend, Gomez, who was married to Clare’s best friend.

For some reason, I expected him to be the villain of the piece, but somehow, him and Henry end up being the best of pals, after a slightly inauspicious first meeting.

Gomez’s motives weren’t whiter than white, but I love that Niffenegger took the road less well travelled, and avoided defining him as ‘all good’, or ‘all bad’. As a reader, I was never sure of my feelings about Gomez, which means that he was wonderfully unpredictable.

Some of you, like myself, may find Henry’s Time travelling a tad confusing, but the one thing that I can assure you, is that this doesn’t detract from the growth of the story. I still felt that The Time Traveler’s Wife had a beginning, a middle, and an end, regardless of the constant time shifts. Niffenegger’s sequencing of Henry’s time travel exploits were cohesive, and fairly easy to get to grips with, once you got further into the story.

The time travel scenes that I found most fascinating were the periods that Henry met his future or his past self. It was lovely, if slightly disconcerting, to witness Henry’s brotherly interaction with a later or earlier version of himself.

For me personally, The Time Traveler’s Wife was a unique, and intense reading experience. It was the most original book I’ve read in a long time, and I can’t imagine anybody out there not thoroughly enjoying the experience.

Having said the above, for die hard romance fans, some of the tragic things that occur in this book, may not be easy to swallow. This isn’t a traditional love story, and yes, you will have to forego a happy ending, but the message that love is all that matters is a strong one, and in a way, helps makes up for some of the shattering revelations that are brought to light, later on in the book.

By the time I got to the end, I was crying so hard, my eyes got all puffy, and The Tall Guy, asked me what the matter was, and even now, when I recall certain scenes, I still manage to tear up. One of the reviewers of this book wrote “The Time Traveler’s Wife will break your heart”. I can’t even describe how true that was.
I felt emotionally drained, and I sobbed as if my heart was indeed breaking. Like I said at the beginning of this review, it wasn’t an easy book to read at all.

After reading TTTW, I thought about it for days. I found myself still trying to piece all the bits together, and fervently wishing that things could have been different for Henry and Clare. In spite of the frequent time shifts, the introduction of different versions of the main and secondary characters, and the uncertainty that everything was going to turn out ok, The Time Traveler’s Wife, was a spell-binding story, that whilst not always easy to follow, certainly made up for it, with its emotional depth, richly developed characters, and a wonderfully original plot line.

If you’re able to live without a happy resolution, then I promise, you wont be sorry you read this book.

You can learn a little bit more about Audrey Niffenegger
here, and buy The Time Traveler’s Wife here.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Review Coming Up…. Eve Vaughn’s A Night To Remember…

I promised to read and review this book ages ago, but as most of you will know by now, I pretty much suck at keeping to reviewing schedules. (apologies to those of you still waiting for reviews), Anyway, I’ve finally gotten round to reading it , and hopefully I will post a review tomorrow, or Monday. erm or Tuesday, depending on workload, and inclination.

Anyway, here’s the blurb:

Sounds yummy ja?

Although, I have to say, the cover sucks arse doesn’t it? There’s something very off-putting about the Chippendale strippers hair just dipped in grease look. I hate it. Mind you, I pretty much hate men with long, or even long-ish hair in real life, so I’m pretty prejudiced anyway.

You can visit Eve Vaughn (not to be confused with Evelyn Vaughn of A.K.A Goddess fame)
here, and buy A Night To Remember here.

Eve, you got a new website! Nice… (Although the Changeling Press art department hasn’t done you any favours with those covers, but that’s another rant for another day)

Anyway, the review will be coming up as soon as I can get to it!

Dirk Benedict and Jermaine Jackson In The UK Big Brother House...

Why, why, why?

Jermaine seems a bit freakish to me. Has he had plastic surgery? I remember he used to be quite cute.

What’s up with the name change? Has he found God or something?

On the other hand, I like Dirk Benedict, A.K.A Faceman from the 80's show, The A-Team, for those of you who can remember them. He’s real easy going and likeable. I hope he wins, I couldn’t give a fig for the rest of ‘em.

Anyway, I must go now, me and The Tall Guy are going out for lunch!

Friday, January 05, 2007

The Power Of The Slice And Dice Review...

I read SB Candy’s review of this book the other day, and immediately went to Amazon, and bought a copy. Used of course.

I started reading it, got to page 108, and stopped. There were 494 pages.

This book was truly criminal, and Candy articulated the worst things about it well enough that I don’t have to, so go read her review.

I’m gonna go and cleanse myself with some industrial-strength bleach now.

Man, There's A Sucker Born Everyday...

Look what I bought today (as well as other books obviously). I wasn't gonna buy it, cuz I couldn't imagine it would be that interesting, ya know I still love ya right Nora but I opened it up and started reading the foreword by Julie Garwood, then I came across this great quote on page 5:

How fucking great is that?

Monday, January 01, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex Baby...

First things, first, Happy New Year to all of you!

Because I’m slightly hung over from the festivities of yesterday evening, I can’t be arsed blogging about anything deep and meaningful, and writing an outstanding review is way beyond me at the mo, so I’ll just blatantly steal one of
Anne Marble’s most recent topics on the All About Romance list. She writes:

I love sex in books. I do. I wouldn’t read erotic romance books if I didn’t, and anybody who says otherwise is just plain lying.

Having said that, I must confess to skipping sex scenes from time time. Yes I do.

Although, I have to say, I generally only skip love scenes for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I’ll skip them, if the sex is getting in the way of a great book (Tara Janzen’s, Crazy series comes to mind). I’ll also skip, if the sex scenes are dull and unimaginative, or if they are a tad too adventurous.

I know that anal sex is all the rage these days, but quite frankly, I’d rather not read about the ins and outs of the act in a romance book. It just seems so unromantic somehow.

The minute the hero’s finger goes anywhere near the heroine’s anus, I kinda find myself clenching my butt in preparation, and that’s a pretty good indication of what’s coming up, so I just move on a few pages.

I read an ER story a while ago where, in one of the love scenes, the hero licked the heroine’s butt. All I could think at the time was, what if she hadn’t cleaned herself properly the last time she went for a number two? *Shudder*. The importance of hygiene should really never be underestimated, dontcha agree?

When I used to regularly read Harlequin category books, one of the things that used to annoy me no end, was how much some of the authors would avoid using the word, penis, to describe the hero’s cock.

Till this day, ‘manhood’ has got to be one of the most irritating words in romance. I never understood why they simply couldn’t call a cock, a cock, and a pussy a pussy, instead of pissing around with all the crap eupemisms.

Another reason for skipping sex scenes, is if they are too damned long. In
Rhyannon Byrd’s Triple Play, there was sex scene that lasted for two hundred effing Microsoft Reader pages. Talk about over-cooking the fucking goose.

I love Linda Howard’s love scenes (mostly). They’re hot without being over the top explicit, and she does tend to mix things up a bit, although I have noticed that her heroes, (God love them) tend to sport massive hard-ons, for the duration of the book.

Surprisingly enough, I tend to skip Eve and Roarke’s love scenes, in
J.D. Robb’s In Death books.


Because they’re mostly predictable, and I find that they’re usually too short for this reader to get to grips with. Plus, they also tend to have jack-rabbit/hit-and-run sex, which is ok now and again, but does tend to get a little boring after a while. Ya know I still love ya right, Nora?

Thea Devine’s love scenes tend to skeeze me out. Mostly because I’m not a huge fan of purple prose sex (unless you’re Lisa Valdez ). I’m still scarred from reading
Sensation. Jesus, that book sucked arse.

Anyway, enough from me, what about you? What makes you skip love scenes? What makes you keep reading every word? What gets you hot?

In short, how do you like your sex? (g)

Methinks LKH Is A Little Cross With Her Readers...

I see Laurell K Hamilton has another Negative Reader Rant up on her blog… Bless….

For those who can’t be arsed to click on the link, here’s some of what she wrote:

I’d say she was a little annoyed wouldn’t you? (g)

Yep, she’s pissed, alright.

I guess that tells you Bam, heheh.

I must admit, this particular paragraph got me a little worried for her sanity:

I mean, come on, buying presents for her characters? Seriously? Isn't that a little.... ya know... weird?

Just sayin'.